It all started innocently enough. While talking with a finance-savvy friend about current investment practices, he used the term “40 Act”, causing me to do a perplexed-faced puppydog headtilt. I had NO IDEA what he was talking about, but wasn’t about to let on. “Part of it relates to liquid assets”, he said, inspiring me to do a quick web search while he talked, including a book search. If you search liquid assets on Amazon, you don’t get a lot of books in the results, but about halfway down the page you’ll find this, tagged as an Amazon best seller:
This of course derailed our entire conversation, because, you know, butt jokes are funny, right? At the (ahem) bottom of the page, there was of course a bunch of, er, crap in the “related products” scroller, and before we knew it we were (here it comes) cracking jokes and clicking on the suggested products. Somewhat appropriately, it turned out that a lot of the scatological novelty products being suggested were in reference to Trump, Clinton, and the 2016 presidential election. And thus began another round of Rabbit Wholing, as we call it here on innoculous.com. For previous examples, see HERE and HERE.
Let The Shitshow Begin
So without further ado, here’s our round up of doodoo…
Best Smellers vs. Best Sellers
As we said, it all began with Liquid Ass. But just because it’s the best seller doesn’t mean it’s the best smeller, as they say. You’ll have to read the reviews to make the best selection, we’re not about to help you out with product testing.
Who Needs Onomatopoeias?
There are surprisingly few onomatopoeias related to flatulence, as often discussed on forums like this one. But who needs onomatopoeias, when you have these wonderful tools for creating the actual sound? If you’re childish enough to actually use the products above, you’ll probably want to pin the blame on a specific source, and this will be easy, when you have a T.J. Wisemen Remote Control Fart Machine. There’s even a fart piano, for cryin’ out loud.
There Ain’t Nothin’ Like The Real Thing
And thank God, in this case. We’ll have to get this, uh…behind us sooner or later, right? So here it is. In spite of the fact there’s no shortage of the real thing (humans worldwide produce almost two billion pounds of it daily) there is apparently a thriving market for fake poop, and even kits to customize it . This is just a small sample:
Like Poop? Like Emojis? It’s A Win-Win
If a simulacrum is a purportedly accurate fictional representation of something that doesn’t actually exist (i.e.: Brady Bunch ≠ American Family), then what is a real life replica of a virtual version of a real life thing? Just wondering. Here. Have a some poop emojis. We know that’s what you came here for.
Okay, Okay, Where’s The Election Crap?
After all the crap we’ve put you through so far, you may be wondering: where the hell is the election stuff mentioned in the damn headline? We’ll get to that in a second, but that’s the whole point of rabbit wholing, there’s no rational basis for it all. So let’s start with these pens and accessories. Did you know that you can get Hillary pens in both laughing and barking versions? And while Trump’s only comes in a talking version, we have a great idea for where you can stick all three of them…
Always wanted your toilet paper to talk to you? About politics? Check that one off your bucket list.
Toilet Paper Is The New Bumper Sticker
In a world turned upside-down, it’s only natural that “bumper sticker politics” would be reduced to scatological anti-message messages. Here are dozen toilet paper products featuring Trump and Clinton, and we barely scratched the surface.
BigMouth Inc Hillary Clinton Toilet Paper$8.99 Add to cart
Donald Trump Toilet Paper – Dump with Trump!$14.95 Add to cart
Donald Trump Toilet Paper Novelty Funny Toilet Paper Gag Gift$6.99 Add to cart
Donald Trump Toilet Paper Variety 4-Pack$39.99 Add to cart
Donald Trump Toilet Paper, Winners Aren’t Losers$29.95 Add to cart
DUMP 2016 Donald Trump Toilet Paper Funny Gag Gift Stocking Stuffer$8.05 Add to cart
FlushTrump Donald Trump Toilet Paper$19.99 Add to cart
Hillary Clinton Toilet Paper Down Hillary$9.99 Add to cart
Hillary Clinton Toilet Paper, Flip-Flop-FlushRead More
Hillary For Prison ® – Highly Collectible Novelty Toilet Paper
$19.99Add to cart
Ted Cruz Toilet Paper – TrusTED TP with Scented Stickers$18.99 Add to cart
Toilet Paper$4.99 Add to cart
Bonus Items: Don’t Be Such A Doodyhead
This is far and away the crappiest article on our site so far, but we just report this stuff, we don’t create it. And we’re sorry to say that there were dozens, if not hundreds more poop-related products on Amazon. We quit while we were ahead. But not before we were a doodyhead. Side note: if you’re intrigued by the board game, be aware that Poop is a choking hazard.