If you’ve ever wondered what Kwanzaa is all about, and you’re a paranoid and delusional white person, you might be interested in taking a look at Ann Coulter’s “brittle sexually frustrated rich white woman with an adam’s apple” take on the holiday. We’re not going to give the piece any link love; we figure that like most minor annoyances (mosquito bites, pesky toddlers, etc), if you ignore Coulter long enough, eventually she’ll just go away. But if you really must read it, here. Let us Google that for you. She basically says it’s an FBI plot, and starts the piece with “I will not be shooting any Black Panthers this week because I am Kwanza-reform, and we are not that observant.” Like most people who have no joy themselves and hate other people having any, she then goes on a rant attempting to disassemble the day with conspiracy theories that would be worthy of comparison to William Burroughs or Hunter Thompson, if it weren’t for her limp and droning prose.

So What Is Kwanzaa Really?

Well, although the Ann Coulter worldview would suggest the page is probably controlled by the FBI, Wikipedia says  it’s a week long festival celebrating the following principles:

Umoja (Unity)
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)
Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility)
Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics)
Nia (Purpose)
Kuumba (Creativity),
Imani (Faith)

Sounds legit. But even the Wikipedia page leaves something wanting; it merely adds some ambigous anecdotal info and figures regarding who celebrates it, and how.

Let’s Ask Some Black People

Or at least some black people who work for Buzzfeed, anyway: