C’mon. You know it’s inevitable. We like to think of America as a modern, civilized country, but less face it. About 90% of it is corn fields, and the folks who live in those corn fields are finally making  their voice heard. In case you haven’t been listening, that voice is screaming “TRUUUUMP!” So rather than get your intellectual undies in a wad for the next year and a half, why not surrender to your fate, and prepare for the future that’s barreling relentlessly your way like a mud-boggin’ 4×4 fueled by PBR?

The White House: Needs More Cowbell

Or at least some gold plating. And fences. In a Trump America, you can never have too many fences. And no, that’s not some starving illegal alien scaling the fence, it’s a starving AMERICAN CITIZEN, hoping to score some grass clippings from the White House Golf Course to make soup. He doesn’t realize it’s all Astroturf now.

The Statue of Liberterianism

Changes to many of these monuments will be incremental. We’ll feature the additional changes in part two. The next version of the Statue of Liberty will have gun turrets in the tiara, and an NRA-owned gun shop in the observation area.

The New Academy Awards: The Donalds

Bitter about his inability to ever become a true Hollywood celebrity, the annual Oscar awards will be renamed “The Donalds”.

And The Winner Is…

Each year, the same film will win in every category. The film will be “Trump of the Will” an update of the Nazi propaganda masterpiece Triumph of the Will, with Ann Coulter taking the place of Leni Riefenstahl as director, and Trump playing you-know-who.

In part two, we’ll explore the Trump presidency’s startling impact on familiar products and popular media…