The Shopocalypse is Nigh
You know that line in the movie The Usual Suspects where Kevin Spacey’s character says “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”? Well, the dark one has accomplished this better nowhere than on Black Friday, when he manages to turn a holiday of gratitude and compassion to one of greed and contempt. So if you’re going to surrender to the forces of evil on the day after Thanksgiving, you may as well go all the way. That’s why we’ve assembled some perfect things to purchase on your descent into darkness. Happy Black Friday!
Satanic Ugly Christmas Sweater
Is there anything more obviously the work of Satan than the Ugly Christmas Sweater? Bill Cosby probably has one, you should too.
Satanic Pentagram Pill Box
What descent into the abyss is complete without DRUGS? You’ll want them on hand at all times, and this little pill box is here to help. Yup, only $6.66
Church of Satan
Sabbatic Goat Idol 15″
A pilgrimage to the real one requires a trip to Detroit, and who wants to go to Detroit, right? May as dwell in darkness in the peace of your own home.
Black Cat Pentacle
Organic Baby T-shirt
Within moments of putting on this shirt, the kid was making Miley Cyrus faces and speaking in tongues. Get your little one started on the dark path early. Why wait?
Coincidence? WE THINK NOT.
The Satanic Bible Mass Market
You think it’s a COINCIDENCE that it’s number one on Amazon, with the Kindle version priced at $6.66? Get it? Fire starts with KINDLING?
Satanic Bible and Satanic Rituals
Because the mass-market paperback version is for noobs. Show some commitment now, and maybe in hell you’ll get some recognition for it.
Kindle Fire 6, 8, and 10″
Tablets and Accessories
Now that we mention it, to many book lovers, the Kindle Fire probably DOES seem like the work of the Devil. So you better get one, now.
Rabbit Hole: A Satanic Ritual
Abuse Survivor’s Story
If living in Omaha, Nebraska is your idea of hell, this book confirms your suspicions. It might just scare you straight before it’s too late.
