Everything You Need To Know About Sex & Relationships

 

Depending on what year you were born, what social strata you were born into, or what kind of education you received, your introduction to relationships and intimacy may have ranged from an unwelcome grope from Uncle Clem, to a clinical explanation so thorough at the age of five that it made you asexual.

Luckily for the current generation, there are virtually unlimited sources of fact-based, thoughtful information on these topics just a tap away on their mobile phone! Which sadly, they’ll never see, because the internet is ruled by search dominance and shareability, so all they’ll be able to find is viral videos by click-desperate websites like College Humor and BuzzFeed.

Below is a quick roundup of the kinds of clips created to appeal to the viral-content-starved masses, and you know what? They might actually be the best introduction to sex and love a young person could get, and might even open the eyes of deluded “informed adults”. We’ll pretend – for the sake of content flow and keeping the NSFW content “below the fold” – that people actually have sex after getting married, and we’ll start with the love and marriage:

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam

How we came to believe that if a man didn’t buy a woman a huge ring, he was a “tiny peckered pencil neck”.

How Hollywood Ruins Relationships

Have you heard of that John Gray book called “Men are from Mission to Mars  , and Women are from The Red Planet?

How to Plan a Wedding in 10 Steps

Step #3: Set a budget. Then fuck that budget, ’cause no matter what you do, it’s going to cost more than a Bugatti Veyron.

The Truth About Hymens And Sex

Nope. It’s not a “freshness seal”. As Emily puts it: “If our hymens completely sealed our vaginas, where would our periods go?”

The Real Reason You’re Circumcised

Yup. Better cut ‘im. I reckon it’ll stop him from masturbatin’.

Why Blowjobs Are More Intimate Than Sex

Wherein we learn the difference between a mouth and a vagina, i.e.: “One is a place where I express my ideas and tell my mima I love her the other’s a place I pee near my butthole”

You Probably Have Herpes and That’s Okay

Just ask “Herpy, the Terrifying Genital Herpes Virus”

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