_{A common suggestion for how to respond to an unsolicited dick pic}

I was having dinner with a couple of friends the other evening, both of whom are women. At some point, the topic of online dating came up, and as is inevitable when touching on the topic, the phenomena of “Dick Pics” came up. The ensuing conversation reminded me that a few years ago, while working on a book about gender issues (which I’ve backburnered for a while due to some snags with collaborators), I had what I referred to at the time as a “Dick Pic Epiphany”. I had read about the topic a lot, and talked with dozens of straight male friends about it, and was still having a hard time (as were these straight male friends) wrapping my mind around what exactly the fuck a dude is thinking when they send a woman a picture of their penis. [more below]

I explored the topic by asking myself a few questions. One of the first was “why don’t I take pictures of my penis?” The answer was simple. I simply don’t enjoy looking at penises! Even mine. So I certainly don’t want to spend a bunch of time taking pictures of one, let alone sending them to others. And then it hit me. How could I have overlooked this simple insight for so long? A next logical question might be “So who does enjoy looking at penises?” I knew that some women do, but just as many (maybe more) express that they derive no great thrill from doing so. So I pondered this more. I have a lot of gay male friends, and while I’m not saying that all gay men like looking at penises, of all the demographics I could think of, no other had such a high likelihood of answering the question “Would you like to look at my dick?” With a simple “Yes”.

I knew I was on to something. So I walked the concept forward a bit. What would a guy who was actually gay do if he had been thoroughly inculturated to act straight, and maybe wasn’t even aware that he was gay AT ALL? Well, since he’s actually gay, but unaware of it, there’s a good chance his repressed desires would seek expression in other, perhaps self-defeating ways. And as much as his straight inculturation would be driving him to seek out dates with women on websites, his “gay side” would be doing everything in its power to prevent actually having to have sex with a woman.

What better way to avert the outcome of having sex with a woman than sending her close-up photos of your penis before you’ve even had a coffee date?

I think this lays to rest once and for all the mystery behind why a man would send dick pics to women they don’t know, if they wanted to have sex with them.

They don’t.

They like looking at dicks too much.