If you’ve ever had the misfortune of actually working for a living, i.e.: held a job in the service sector or doing some kind of manual labor, there’s a good chance you’ve heard a boss say something stupid like “You’re leanin’ when you could be cleanin’!”, or “Shittin’ on company time again, huh?” It’s ironic that it’s a boss that uses the latter phrase to chastise their underlings, because with today’s income disparity between the top and the bottom of a typical company, the cost to the organization when an average worker “does their duty” on the clock is probably inconsequential compared to the cost of a CEO doing the same thing. But we got curious about the real numbers, so for this week’s Monday Metavator, we’re going to take a look at the high cost of poop.

Methodology

We’re not going to get too hard-core with the math here; after taking about ten minutes researching average CEO salaries, we got depressed about our own revenue and income, and decided to settle on some randomly selected executives. We’re also going to ballpark their actual time spent in the loo, and how to calculate their income. In the case of most CEO’s, their annual income is so insanely disproportionate to their value as humans (and distorted by stock options) that the rough numbers will get the ideas across. Plus, we’re not about to reach out to them to try and determine how long they spend on their “daily elimination”, or for that matter, whether or not they perform the task more or less than once a day. We used a combination of light research, a standard calculator, and the Work Poop Headquarters Poop Pay Calculator. If you want to squeeze out a few calculations of your own, you might try the Poop Salary app for Android, or Pricy Poop for iOS . There’s also the browser-based Number Two Guide Poop Calculator, but we doubt its accuracy; we find it hard to believe that a person born in 1981 could have had 832 cases of explosive diarrhea. So without further ado, here’s the poop on how much people get paid to do their duty on the job: