I, For One, Welcome Our New Turkey Overlords

November 22, 2015Ian
Booster Shots, Holidays

When we shared the video above the other day, it got us wondering: what if turkeys DID take over the world? Would they immediately exact revenge for the hundreds of generations of genocide inflicted upon them, turn carnivorous, and start eating humans every year on Thanksgiving to celebrate? Apparently, this is something of a preoccupation on the internet; you can’t swing a dead ~~cat~~ turkey without hitting a Photoshop thread devoted to the topic. But it runs much deeper, as we’ll explain below. Here are just a few examples from around the web of the humans-as-turkeys phenomena. We’re sparing you the more NSFW versions; they get pretty bizarre (link NSFW).

Photoshop & Props

This image seems to pop up as the leader image in thinkpieces on vegan yoga enthusiasts’ blogs pretty regularly:

Turkeys having dinner

This one borders on gruesome. Scratch that. It’s just plain gruesome. Apparently it was fabricated from foam and latex by FX Lab for an exhibition. An exhibition of what remains unclear.

Human Turkey

We imagine it’s gonna take a LOT of Slap Yo Mama to really mask the man-taste. Or do humans taste of chicken, like everything else? And do you fight over the mustache like a wishbone?

Spicy Man Turkey

We’re not sure which came first – the image above, or this clip from Seinfeld. But of the two, clearly the Seinfeld version takes the “Oh My God I’ll Never Un-see THAT” award.

Is Chooking a Verb?

We said this runs much deeper, and it does. Apparently Photoshop isn’t enough for some people, and earlier this year, the hashtag #frozenchook blew up on the web for a few weeks. While you might cry fowl, pointing out that a chook isn’t strictly speaking a turkey, we figure it’s still, er, fair game. If you’re into this sort of thing, apparently there’s a whole website devoted to it, and a Facebook group.