Is “Elf on the Shelf” An Elaborate NSA Psy-Op?

NSA and Elf on the Shelf

Did you know that NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden revealed a year ago that Elf on the Shelf is actually a hugely successful program developed by the NSA? No. You didn’t. Because in spite of the fact that this information was revealed on what was very, very obviously a satire/humor site, the story still got legs with major media outlets briefly, long enough that it eventually earned a Snopes page. In reality of course, thanks to the recent termination of the NSA’s mass surveillance program, we can all celebrate the fact that the NSA has in fact eased up on collecting data on US citizens. Right? Wrong. Data is still being collected, the only difference is that the NSA may need a warrant to get their hands on it. But this has never been an issue, thanks to what has been described as AT&T’s “extreme willingness to help”. This kind of relationship goes back decades; not only was it the running joke in the 1967 movie The President’s Analyst, but it was more recently exposed when AT&T and the NSA got busted back in 2003 for operating a secret room specifically for this kind of surveillance.

So let’s be real. The whole idea behind a “secret government agency” is that it’s a secret. The very fact that you know the name of the NSA or the CIA and the people who run them is a dead giveaway that the real covert ops are things that you won’t know about for decades, at which point former employees will start writing tell-all books like See No Evil to compensate for the shitty retirement packages they were provided. That’s why – regardless of whether or not the argument laid out in the oft-cited recent piece The Elf on the Shelf and the Normalization of Surveillance is solid – it’s worth giving it a read. Because in an era when a consumer can buy a video camera smaller than your finger on Amazon for under fifty bucks, and when many politicians’ only proposed solution to a mass shooting epidemic is well-wishing and prayers, (with people vigorously backing them up) you have a perfect storm for disinformation, false flags, and the widespread implementation of Agnotology.

I mean c’mon, didn’t anybody read Dune, with its references to “plans within plans within plans”? The likeliest answer to the question “Is Elf on the Shelf An Elaborate NSA Psy-Op?” is YES. But with many more layers than we are thinking. It will probably turn out that the NSA really IS putting microscopic surveillance devices into products. Like maybe your smartphone. Maybe all this opinion and analysis about phone data and Elf on the Shelf is just carefully-crafted disinfo. Hell, for all you know, THE WORDS YOU’RE READING RIGHT NOW might be part of it!

You might want to heed the wisdom of the actor who played one of the greatest secret agents in history, Sean Connery:

If you find yourself sitting in a cell forgotten, you've no-one but your shelf to blame.

Your Cart

Browse Our Shop

Weird & WTF Products

Weird & Adult

Election Humor
View All

Recent Posts

Word of the Day: Acroname


Because “downwind of the sewage treatment plant” sounds a lot cooler when you call it “DoWiseTrePla”

Best of the Obama Biden White House Transition Meme


Diamond Joe is making sure The Donald gets the welcome he deserves.

The “Deep State” and Why Trump May Be The Least of Your Worries


Michael Lofgren’s “Deep State” explains the mechanics of the real power in DC, and does so with surprisingly un-cynical wit.

TBT 1958: The Unspeakable Horror Of Television’s “Queen For A Day”


Luis Buñuel and Man Ray would have been impressed.

CandidHate 2016: Souvenirs From The Camp Pain Trail


We’re obviously not gonna get a decent president for all our efforts as citizens, so let’s at least snag some swag.